She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
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Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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