he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
