Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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