went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
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I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
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The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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