my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I need to align my fucking chakras
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