I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
