So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
