Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
high people should be assigned attendants
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
