dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
