DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
