She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
