If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
