I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
