Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
