this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
