I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
