im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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