bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
