My sheets look like a crime scene.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just google imaged poop.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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