didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
