that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
