Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
