i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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