dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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