Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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