she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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