i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
