Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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