I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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