I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
