apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
