We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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