Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
