They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
