Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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