I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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