He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
