How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
