I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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