He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
