you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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