Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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