I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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