She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
And then he peed in my hair
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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