i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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