I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
