Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
