So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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