I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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