Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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