There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
