If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
