did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
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At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
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