i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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