I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
