it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
