why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
