his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
