it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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