Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize