Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
