She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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