i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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