to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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