Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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