we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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