so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
