I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
