I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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