Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
