speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think your dad took our porno
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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