my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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