He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
