Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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