I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
