He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
