I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
