did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
