I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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