I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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